3 Reasons You Are Constantly Telling Yourself “I can’t” and How to Stop Doing It

“I can’t” — a sentence very familiar to me. I used it many times myself. Such a simple sentence. A sentence that frees us from commitment and failure but brings something else instead. It brings a burden of unfulfilled dreams, monotony, self-doubting, and all these negative emotions that stand in our way of living a happy and fulfilled life.

What is actually hiding behind this simple sentence? Sometimes it just feels easier to say “I can’t” than make an effort and dispose yourself to an uncertain outcome. It’s normal; we’re all humans. But there are actual reasons why you’re telling yourself “I can’t” — and it’s FEAR.

I recognized 3 different kinds of fears that hide behind this simple “I can’t.”

FEAR OF FAILURE — It is very common. You must have felt it at least once in your life. What if I fail? What will happen? Would I feel like a complete failure, like I am not capable of doing anything? Would it affect my self-esteem, my self-confidence? I might even feel depressed and demotivated. So, true. But what if you never try because of this fear? Ask yourself what will happen then?

Remember that there is no failure. There is only a result. A lot of successful people failed many times before they succeeded. What was different about them? They were not afraid of failure. They knew what they want, and they went for it. They never gave up, and that’s why they succeeded.

Now, set your goal and write down all the positive and negative things behind your fear of failure. You will see that there will be more positives than negatives. Now, ask yourself, why is this goal important to me? What will it bring me if I keep trying and never give up? Once you do a little inner chat with yourself, you’ll discover that fear of failure is fading away.

FEAR OF DREAMING — Remember how it felt when you were a kid and when you had big plans for yourself? Remember how you used to daydream about your future and how much you enjoyed it? Remember that feeling of positive energy, happiness, and butterflies in your stomach when you daydream? It was so easy when we were kids, right?

Some people are simply afraid of having dreams about their future. Why? It just feels more comfortable being stuck in everyday reality and avoid potential disappointment if those dreams never come true. How many times did you have a big goal for yourself but then you said, “It’s too good to be true. It’s impossible to get it because it’s too big.” The easiest thing you can do is just stop dreaming and be satisfied with the everyday life you’re living. It’s one option, yes. But what if, through time, you feel emptiness and that you’re missing something. You don’t feel fulfilled. The answer is — allow yourself to dream, allow yourself to set goals, and plan your future.

Take it slowly, one step at a time. Even if your dream is big, it doesn’t mean it will never come true. It takes time, effort, and strong will. Enjoy that journey towards your dream. Nothing happens overnight. The same goes for dreams and goals. Believe in it and believe in yourself. Never give up on your dreams.

FEAR OF CHANGE — Being in a comfort zone is amazing, right? You can feel really comfortable and protected there. You are familiar with everything, and nothing can really surprise you. Yeah, I know. It’s nice being in a comfort zone, but what does it bring you long-term? People who spend most of their time in their comfort zone start feeling monotonous and unfulfilled because everything is always the same; nothing really changes in their life.

However, even though they feel empty and monotonous, usually fear of change prevails. You are afraid that that change in your life will bring something you’re not yet quite ready for and that it’ll change your life completely. You are, though, not sure if that change will bring positive or negative things into your life. That’s why staying in your comfort zone usually seems like a better, safer idea.

How can you actually overcome this fear? Make small steps. Start going out of your comfort zone slowly. Take one step at a time. Depending on how it works for you, you can choose to do something out of your comfort zone each day or each week.

Just like anything else, this also takes practice. Whether it’s only going for a coffee by yourself, trying out some new sports, or taking dance lessons. It doesn’t matter how small it seems; you will see the results and how you’ll actually feel after it. It will feel like a small victory. It will fill you with positive energy and satisfy your cravings for something different, something new. Now, try something you’ve never done before and go one step out of your comfort zone.

And you know what “You actually can,” and it’s equally easy to say it.

Originally published at https://www.mindmenot.com on March 4, 2021.